1,000 Ways To Smurf
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: Few smurfs ever live to old age, so how does a smurf die? Read from the unfortunate smurfs who had learned the hard way, so you can avoid their mistakes. Inspired by "1,000 Ways To Die." Black Humor, Graphic Scenes, Death Humor & Poetry and quotations.
1. Ch 1: Introduction

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

"_Death can sneak up on you like a silent kitten, surprising you with it's touch and you have a right to act surprised. Other times death stomps in the front door, unwanted and unannounced, and makes it's noisy way to your seat on the sofa." - __Hugh Elliott._

The Long Life Force Stone, the Smurfs most previous magical artifact. The magic stone is well hidden somewhere inside the smurf village, so why is this artifact so special to the smurfs? The stone gives the smurfs an extended lifespan, about a thousand years. It makes biological sense due to the fact that the smurfs don't physically reproduce and don't repopulate that much blue moons don't come that often these days.

This is a good thing you're thinking? Not exactly, a very small number of smurfs ever reach middle age. And very rarely, ever reach the elderly stage of life. So Papa Smurf and Grandpa Smurf deserves a little respect for living that long, since not that much smurfs might reach that age.

The Smurfs' lifespan may be long but the smurfs' life expectancy is way shorter, most smurfs probably die before they reach adulthood. The cause of deaths aren't so surprising, from natural predators such as feral cats and large birds such as eagles to human beings who want to either eat the smurfs, turn them into gold, or destroy them for some apparent reason.

There are a thousand ways to die, and yet there's a hundred smurfs. The chance of smurfs dying depends on their actions and self reliance, often on each other. But there are times when relying on each other isn't simply enough, and they need help. The smurfs were close to their ultimate demise on several occasions, maybe a million occasions.

Life does not work that way, common sense states that a there must be some casualties among the smurfs. So what will these deaths look like? It's anyone's guess. Everyday they faced germs, toxins, injury, illness, and catastrophe. The fact that they survived it all is a miracle...

Because everyday they live, they faced a thousand ways to die.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Ch 2: Tattle Air Smurf

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You got a math problem you need help to work on or need to be inspired in some way? What about figuring out some technical problems, or you need help on some complicated matters. Brainy Smurf will fill you in on that, as he's not afraid to show his "wisdom."

Brainy is the town's intellectual, easily identified by his glasses. Intellectuals often fit stereotypical nerds, and can get quite annoying sometimes. Unfortunately for Brainy, he fits that profile quite well.

He goes by his business by reading his Quotations by Brainy Smurfs books, "educating" the smurflings, helping out with Papa Smurf, or go out to share his "knowledge" to his fellow smurfs. He often gets annoying and it almost always reaches a point where a smurf, mostly Hefty, comes by to literally kick Brainy out of the smurf village. It said that Brainy flew 60 meters into the air on one occasion before dropping back to earth, always landing on his head.

Brainy was out walking through town lately when he stumbles across Hefty and Handy fighting outside of Smurfette's house, the two smurfs were fighting over who Smurfette wants to marry yet again. The argument got out of hand and the two smurfs agreed to a wrestling match to see who "the better smurf" get's Smurfette. Fortunately for the smurfs, Smurfette is not interested and locks her door during the entire incident.

It didn't take long for a crowd to gather around the two smurfs. After just 5 minutes of fighting, there were 50 smurfs gathered to watch the two smurfs duel. Brainy, being a tattle-tale, try his best to "enforce" Papa Smurf's rules and laws. He drops his stack of books and rushes over to the scene, "Hey smurfs," he said, "You should not be smurfing, because Papa Smurf says so."

Surprisingly, the smurfs stopped fighting and all attention is glued onto him. "You should try a more peaceful alternative, like playing smurf chest or rock papers scissors or..."

"Brainy?" asked a smurf, Brainy ignores him and just keep rambling."

"Why not signed a time smurf agreement, one smurf takes Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays as the other smurf..."

"Brainy?" asked the smurf again, but Brainy continues.

"How about having Smurfette choose who she want to marry, I heard she's interested in..."

"BRAINY!" cried the smurf.

Before Brainy realized it, Hefty was up on his feet and ambushed the four-eye smurf. He kicked Brainy in the rear as hard as he can, launching the smurf into the air. Brainy flew 6 meters into the sky and covered about 150 meters of ground before reaching the village limits, he hits the ground in a sharp angle which bent his head and body about 80 degrees with a loud crack awhile causing him to tumble like a ball before he made a complete stop faced down.

Normally Brainy would grumble to himself as he stands up, brushes himself off, and walk away. However something is different, Brainy isn't moving as he just lie there. Blood oozes out of his nose and mouth, trickling down his face and spills onto the ground. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Brainy is dead, but how?

When Brainy hit the ground in the 80 degree angle, his head bent sharply backward and separated his C4 vertebra from his C5 vertebra. This cuts off the nerve connections to his diaphragm, making him unable to breath. His collar bone and rib cage also smashed into fragments upon impact, and his brain slammed greatly around in his skull as he tumbled which caused blood vessels to rupture and spill out into the brain cavity. It was a triple whammy, causing a quick overkill death.

Brainy should have kept his mouth shut and mind his own business, yet he intervened by taking up Handy and Hefty's breathing room. He learned a valuable lesson from Hefty about respiration: Cut C4, breathe no more.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	3. Ch 3: Exsploped

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A smurf is on patrol, for garbage that is.

Sloppy Smurf is the smurf village "Garbage Smurf", he goes around from house to house collecting garbage from the smurfs. He then hauls it back home for him to sort out, which is already filled with junk.

Of course, he is not alone. He has a pet Musca domestica, commonly known as the house fly, named "Fly". He buzzes around Sloppy as he dumps out today's garbage onto the floor, Fly soon perches himself on Sloppy's head. "Get down Fly," said Sloppy as he pulls Fly off of his head, "We got smurf to do."

Sloppy and fly sorts out the garbage, separating the plastic, glass, paper, and metals from the main pile and into separate piles. Everyday he does this, and everyday is usually the same kind of garbage.

Chunks of wood from Handy, old worn out books from Brainy, used pie trays from Greedy. On occasion, he'll get some garbage from Papa Smurf. Probably from failed experiments which caused some items to break, Sloppy happens to stumble upon a small silvery blue object in an empty glass jar. It had an irregular shape and it appeared to have stained the glass jar from the inside.

"I wonder what's this," he says to himself as he picks up the jar, "Hey Fly, check this out."

Fly buzzed up to Sloppy as he opens the jar and pulls out the silvery blue object. He looked at it for a short while before saying, "I best smurf this back to Papa Smurf, I wonder what it is?"

Sloppy started towards the door, with the blue object in hand. He didn't get that far as he tripped over his baggy pants and fell onto his knees, dropping the object. It fell into a pail of water Sloppy had out earlier for drinking. At the exact moment the object touches the water, Sloppy can only watch as it gave off a blue flash before exploding with enough force to blow out his windows.

When the smoke cleared, it revealed that Sloppy was blown back up into the wall. Sloppy felt dizzy as a sharp pain ripped through his stomach. When he looked down, he saw a metal fragment lodged into his belly and blood was spewing out like crazy. He hunched forward as he passes out, and dies.

If his smurf hat wasn't covering his eyes, he probably wouldn't picked up the jar of Cesium that Papa Smurf had laid outside. Cesium is an element, one of the second most reactive element in the Alkali Earth Metal group. When the Cesium contacted the water, a chemical reaction caused it to release its force and blow the bucket apart.

A metal fragment from the bucket flew through the air and lodged itself into Sloppy's torso just underneath the rib cage as he was blown backwards, the metal fragment tore through Sloppys abdomen, impaled his liver, and sliced his Aorta and Inferior Vena cava. Like humans, these are the most massive blood vessels in the body. The metal object happened to slice through the massive vessels, separating them from the lower body.

This caused massive bleeding that is impossible to stop, which results in loss of consciousness within seconds and death within minutes.

Fly is lucky, as he was blown out the window during the explosion and is spared from the most harm.

Sloppy should have paid attention when it comes to collecting trash, as the cesium he dropped created a flash. Which it made a gash in his belly, that killed him literally. But look at the bright side, it set Fly aside... from death.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	4. Ch 4: Smurfstruction

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If you ever go down to the Smurf Village and look at the buildings, they are in perfect condition. You wonder, How do the smurfs keep those mushroom homes in peak condition? Truth is, only one smurf does it. Handy Smurf.

Handy Smurf is the village carpenter and construction worker, identifiable via his overalls. His job is to build or repair structures and devices for the smurfs. Without him, the smurfs can't fix things properly.

His job is usually the same, pave cracks on the facade of buildings, replace broken windows, repair the roofs, put in new flooring, fix furniture, etc. "It's all in a smurf's work," he says to Hefty as he chats with him, "I'll smurf you later Hefty, right now I got a smurf to take care of."

"Yeah, smurf you later Handy." said Hefty as he walks off.

So how is Handy going to die? He could always get crushed underneath the weight of a building, Handy was just about to put in a new support beam when the roof gave way. He managed to run out of the house and jump outside just as the roof completely collapse, Handy saved himself from death.

"Whoa," he says to himself as he gazed at the destroyed house, the home looked like it had imploded from one of Jokey's "surprise" bombs but the facade is still intact, "I should have smurfed up safety beams first."

How about dying from the claw end of his own hammer? An hour later, Handy was busy clearing the rubble from the imploded home when he happened to have set his hammer on a wooden plank. A small rock sits underneath the plank, at the very center of it. The plank was behind Handy as he was trying to pull out another plank from the pile. Using all of his strength, he pulled the plank out of the wooden wreck and toppled backwards. He landed on one end of the board, causing it to fling the hammer into the air from the other end.

Handy got out of the way in time, as the hammer comes back to earth due to gravity and lands on the wood. The claw end wedged itself into the plank, causing the hammer to be embedded into the wood at an angle. If Handy was a little slower, the claw would have went straight into his skull. It took him awhile to figure out what happened, "Oh smurf," he says to himself as he saw the hammer chewed into the wood, "I should have been more careful."

Handy won't die from this today, ever. Once he cleared out the rubble, Handy soon activated his Table Saw, it had a 2.5 centimeter dado blade that can spin up to 5,500 revolutions per minute. Normally he would use a ripper blade for this clean up job, but due to a tight schedule there is no time to change it.

He soon get to work on sawing the pieces of wood to the desired length, he saws the wood horizontally and soon run into a problem. The dado blade made a complete stop and locked up, unable to move. "Aw smurf," grumped Handy as he sets his wood aside, "This shouldn't be too smurfy to fix."

Handy turns the wheel that moves the saw vertically and moved it upward, he should have known that he forgotten to turn off the machine. Axle that spins the saw blade has taken up so much abuse from the past few months that it's ready to give way, Handy managed to get the axle to loosen up by banging the end of his hammer at it. The soon resumed spinning, "That should do it." said Handy, then disaster struck.

The worn out axle spinning the dado head suddenly gives way, and the blades that happened to spin towards Handy flew straight at the smurf. The dado blade literally went through the smurf as if he was butter, blood showered everything from up to a meter as Handy collapsed onto the ground. Dead.

When the dado head gave way, the two blades separated from each other before plunged itself into Handy's torso. It sliced through his liver, stomach, pancreas, and lungs before exiting out through Handy's back. Massive bleeding caused by the severed arteries and veins bleed out, this type of bleeding cannot be stopped and Handy would have passed out from the sudden drop of blood pressure – he's soon dead within a few seconds.

Handy avoided being crushed by a roof flaw and the end of his hammer claw, but ended being killed by his own table saw. The smurf can fix anything but this time, he simply didn't have the parts.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	5. Ch 5: Surprise! You're Dead!

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If you ever find a yellow present with orange ribbons, don't open it. Chances are, it's from Jokey Smurf. The Village Prankster. He looks like the average smurf, but his mushroom home is surrounded with present bombs. Once detonated, they release focused non-lethal energy into the unfortunate individual who opens it. Jokey calls them his "surprise" presents, it doesn't take a bomb expert slash prankster to figure out what they contain.

Jokey's daily victim happened to be no other than Brainy Smurf, who seems to be the most resistant to Jokey's pranks. However, Jokey is able to outsmart him in the common sense category.

He was just about to give a smurf a gift when Brainy comes by to destroy it, Jokey soon sense this and said to Brainy as he approached. "Hey Brainy," he says as he held up the present to Brainy, the smurf that Jokey nearly gave the present to wisely stepped back. "I got a present for you."

"Yeah right Jokey," said Brainy, "Your not going to smurf me again."

"It's not a joke," said Jokey, "It's a... uhh... book."

Brainy took one good look at him with curiosity, "A book?" he asked, "For me?"

"Yes," said Jokey, "For you."

Without saying anything, Brainy grabbed the present from Jokey and tore the lid open. The present exploded, sending a blast of soot and ash straight into Brainy's face. When the dust cleared, it revealed that Brainy was covered in gray ash. Jokey can't bare to laugh as Brainy took off his glasses to clean it, "Smurf," he grumbled as he wipes his glasses clean with a cloth, "I'll smurf you one of these days, just you wait Jokey. Soon the joke will be on you!"

Brainy puts his glasses back on and storms off as Jokey rolls around on the ground, laughing his head off. After awhile, Jokey gets back up and searches for another unfortunate smurf to prank.

After a full day of pranking smurfs, Jokey heads back home just as the sun sets.

The next day, Jokey woke up from bed and sat up. He stretched his arms and back as he gets up, "Looks like another great day to smurf," he said to himself before chuckling.

Jokey walks towards his front door and opened it, and noticed a present sitting at his doorstep. The present was a white box with green ribbons, Jokey picked it up and carried it inside. "I wonder who it's from," he says, shutting the door behind him.

He sat the present on the table and reads the tag on it, "It's going to be a big surprise," he reads out loud, "Oh boy, I love surprises!"

Jokey undos the ribbons from the present and tossed it aside, then he pulls the lid off of it and takes a look inside. Within that precise moment, the present exploded with tremendous force.

The blast was so powerful it blew apart Jokey's mushroom house, scattering bits and pieces everywhere as a eerie mushroom cloud forms from ground zero. The blast echoed throughout the Smurf Village as it alerted every smurf in it, Papa Smurf quickly woke up from his nap as he ran outside... and saw the mushroom cloud for himself.

"What the smurf happened!" he gasped as debris from what's left of Jokey's house began to rain back to earth.

"It came from Jokey's house!" cried Dabbler as ran towards the mushroom cloud. Papa Smurf and several other smurfs follow Dabbler to what's left of Jokey's house, the entire mushroom building was replaced by a crater about 30 centimeters in diameter and 10 centimeters deep, a couple of smurfs jumped down into the crater and comb it for any sign of Jokey as everyone else pick through burned scraps of what's left of Jokey's present bombs.

"Where could he be?" asked Papa Smurf, "What is smurfing him?"

That's when most of Jokey's body fell out of the sky, landing in the crater with a splat. He had been disemboweled and dismembered by the explosion, what's left of his head landed nearby with a thud. The smurfs can't bare the sight of Jokey's remains, many vomited, others past out. Papa Smurf just stood there, staring at Jokey's intestines which was spilling out from half of the smurf's torso.

So what kind of bomb was that?

Hours earlier, Brainy managed to find a book about explosives in his home library. And crafted together an IED, an Improvised Explosive Device, out of a small metal pipe and rusty nails from Handy. After hooking it up inside a white box, he tapes the electronics into place and closes the box with the lid. Then he took the box and sets it on Jokey's doorstep during the middle of the night.

When Jokey opened the box, the bomb explodes and sent shrapnel ripping through his head, chest, and abdomen. This alone can kill him instantly as it sliced through his heart and brain, but what blew him apart happens to be the present bombs outside. With the combination of the bomb's pressure wave and the bombs from outside, Jokey is shredded to pieces.

When Jokey gave a present to Brainy, it blew up in his face. When Brainy gave Jokey a present, it blown him sky high and dies... before he falls back to earth. Jokes' on you smurf.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	6. Ch 6: Death For ToGo

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So you're sitting at a table in the Smurf Village and a smurf serves you dinner, the food tasted great and you wonder who made it. Look no further, because the chef around these parts happened to be Greedy Smurf.

Sometimes called Baker Smurf and Chef Smurf, Greedy is the best cook in the Smurf Village... and the best eater.

He could stomach down twice his body weight, eating whatever is mostly edible. At one point in time, he beat a human named Pee-Wee at a Pie Eating Contest. The amount of pies are calculated to have the same "food to body" ratio, since Pee-Wee weighed 26 kilograms as Greedy weighed 20 grams. To make a long story short, Greedy one the contest as Pee-Wee puked. He was soon kicked out as he tried to eat his own vomit, only Sloppy Smurf approved of the incident.

On Greedy's leisure time, he would stuff himself with his own pies for his own enjoyment. Since he eats random flavors, he doesn't seem to get bored from hoarding his food.

One afternoon, Greedy was eating his pies as usual. First he ate his pies whole, then in pieces before eating it whole again and repeating the process. This cycle of eating helps him take in food easily. He however doesn't take in account that what goes in one end, must come out the other. After eating 30 pies, Greedy's intestines growled as he feels a bloating sensation.

"Oh, I gotta smurf!" he cried as he hugs his gut.

Greedy dropped his half eaten pie and ran out the door, searching for the nearest outhouse. He ran faster than a road runner as he tries to hold in his impending stunner, spectating smurfs watched in a stupor as they noticed what Greedy was trying to contain in his trousers. The poor smurf finally found an outhouse, which he scurries inside like a mouse.

Once inside, Greedy pulls pants is down and plants himself on the bowl before unloading his "food scrap." "Oh my smurf," cried Greedy as the food he ate days before rapidly exited his rear, "Oh smurf! OH SMURF!"

This wasn't a log Greedy was dropping, it was more like the bog you find in the average bayou. Greedy heaves as he unloads his load into the unsuspecting toilet. After one final push, he began to feel the symptoms of constipation. He realized that his his lunch had sealed his rectum like a blood clot in an artery. In turn, things get messy.

He pushed as hard as he can for 20 minutes, trying to eliminate his waste. After several more tries into relieving himself, the cork popped out of his bum faster than a speeding stork as he let out a blood curdling scream. That's when Greedy fell off the toilet and landed flat on his face, thankfully fellow smurfs heard his cries of distress and rushed to his aid.

Hefty rushed up to the outhouse and muscled the door open, revealing Greedy slumped over on the ground with his pants down. Brainy checked for a pulse, and found none. "He's dead," he says, "But how?"

When Greedy tried to unclog his bowels, his blood pressure rose to a point where his heart can't take the consent pounding of red blood cells. Once Greedy relieved himself, his arteries and veins sharply constrict from the sudden relaxation. The sudden narrowing of his cells clogged the coronary artery in his heart with the combination of cardiac arrest, this double whammy on his heart caused Greedy to become deader than a turkey on the thanksgiving dinner table.

Greedy may be able to serve great meals at dinner to others and is a compulsive eater as well. Because of this he became constipated, and death... was on the menu tonight.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	7. Ch 7: Boogysmurf

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You ever heard of Scaredy Smurf? Neither had I, until I looked at the Wikipedia. This smurf is sensitive to horror, he's pretty much afraid of everything.

Scaredy would tries to hide in his house on a hot day, fearing that the sun will burn him alive. Won't get near an insect, because he's afraid that it'll bite him. He wouldn't get near a human, probably because he is afraid that he'll be stepped on. One time he wouldn't go near Jokey when he has a present on hand, he knows that the present would explode if he opens it.

So why is Scaredy scared of everything? When phobias occur, they are almost always started at childhood. If something horrible happened in Scaredy's childhood, then it would explain his panphobia, the fear of "everything."

When his phobia is at it's worst, Scaredy would be very anxious. He is often plagued by insomnia during the night, thinking that the boogeyman will get him. Nightmares often occur, usually the same nightmares about Gargamel snatching him away for dinner. His phobia already gave him Hypertension, Anxiety, and Insomnia. The teasing from the smurfs on occasion isn't helping with his condition, only fueling the burning firestorm going on inside Scaredy.

One day Scaredy woke up from another nightmare, his heart was racing faster than a dynamite blaster. With his anxiety heightened when he exited his property, looking forward of breakfast in smurf society. He heads over to the mess hall, where Greedy was serving breakfast in a sprawl. Food was quickly served and the smurfs happiness was preserved. But for Scaredy, he was unnerved.

As Scaredy ate his breakfast with the smurfs, Jokey thought it would be funny to scare him when he least expected it. When Jokey finished eating, he sneaked behind Scaredy smurf as fellow smurfs looked on. As Jokey tiptoed behind Scaredy, the smurf was oblivious to his presence until the last minute. Jokey grabbed Scaredy's shoulders and screamed, "Blah!"

Scaredy yelped as he jumped out of his seat and collapsed onto the floor, appearing as if he passed out. All the smurfs laughed with Jokey, when he finished laughing he noticed Scaredy wasn't breathing...

"Scaredy?" he asked as he shakes his shoulder, "Scaredy?"

It didn't take long for the smurfs to realize the truth, Jokey literally scared Scaredy to death.

Scaredy was already anxious and his heart was racing. When Jokey frightened him, the fright is equivalent to being electrocuted. So the shock interrupted his heart's rhythmic pattern and caused him to die from cardiac arrest.

Jokey can't bare the sight on what he has done, he ran out of the mess hall crying as everybody looked on. Papa Smurf sighed and said, "If Scaredy wasn't so scared, we would be so smurfed ourselves. I wonder what was smurfing him."

FDR says that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself. For Scaredy, he realized what fear really is. Death.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	8. Ch 8: Disinfecting Smurforide

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You go to the smurf village and observe the smurfs, you only see male smurfs and wondered: "Where are the women?"

It won't take you long to figure out that answer, once you discover the feminine looking mushroom house somewhere near the Papa Smurf house. The owner of that house happens to be, "Smurfette."

Unlike the usual male smurfs, Smurfette is obviously female as the name itself gives that away. She has long blonde hair and wears a white dress, some humans think she acts like the stereotypical blonde. A word of advice for homo sapiens, leave your prejudice out the door when visiting the smurf village.

Anyway, Smurfette has a few jobs in the village. Like watering flowers and cleaning houses, I'm not sure charming the average male smurf counts as a job as she never really tries. Any smurf will tell you that they love her, sadly Smurfette prefers to stay single and proposal for marriage is usually met with refusal or confusion.

Right now, Smurfette was busy cleaning her house as her sister Sassette takes Baby Smurf out of the house to play. She scrubs the carpet, cleans the windows, wash dishes, awhile singing the familiar smurf song. As she prepares to mob the floor, she realized that she had no cleaning fluid for this job. "Oh, where would I get some disinfectant?" she asked herself as she looks underneath the sink, "Maybe Papa Smurf would smurf me some."

So Smurfette walks over to Papa Smurf's home, thinking that he might have some disinfecting floor foam. When Smurfette opens Papa Smurf's door,. she found him sitting at the table – sleeping like a boar. His snores sounds as bad as chores, which Smurfette can't take anymore. "Papa Smurf?" asked Smurfette.

The middle aged smurf woke up with a groan with an annoying tone, "What is it Smurfette?" he asked as he yawns, "You need something?"

"I need something to smurf my floors with," said Smurfette, "You have anything to smurf with?"

"Over there," said the village leader as he points over to the cabinets, then he falls back asleep.

Once Papa Smurf began snoring, Smurfette walked to the cabinet and opened it to begin browsing. She found a couple of bottles of bleach and ammonia, "Which should I use Papa Smurf?" asked Smurfette.

Papa Smurf only replied with a sharp snore, "I'll guess I take both then."

So Smurfette grabbed both the bottles and hauled them back to her house, unknowingly getting herself into a dangerous situation.

When Smurfette heads back inside, she looks at the bottles and wondered which one to try out first. "Should I use bleach or ammonia?" she asked herself, "Maybe I should use both."

So she unscrew the caps of the bottles and pour some of the contents into a bucket, almost immediately something smelled like the mouth piece of Harmony's trumpet. A yellow-greenish cloud shot out of the bucket and engulfed Smurfette in it's thick vapor, Smurfette dropped the bottles which spills onto the floor as she grabs her eyes. It didn't take long for the entire room to be filled with the vicious gas cloud.

Since Smurfette doesn't know chemistry, she didn't know that mixing bleach and ammonia together would release Chlorine gas. Smurfette happened to have inhaled highly concentrated chloramine, dichloramine, and nitrogen trichloride molecules which began to eat away at her lungs, and it prevented her from taking in oxygen.

She rushed out of the house with the chlorine gas following her, coughing profusely. She then collapse onto the ground as fellow smurfs rushed by to assist her, but there is nothing they could do as fluid had built up in her lungs and she sophisticated to death.

Here's a lesson to learn, never use bleach and ammonia together. Smurfette hadn't learned this, because she's dead. At least her house is clean though.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	9. Ch 9: Pussy Smurf

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The strongest and so-called bravest smurf in the village, happens to be the one with the heart with arrow tattoo on the upper part of his right arm. That would be Hefty, a smurf with the strength of a bear.

The most athletic of the smurfs, he spends his mornings working out in a house full of exercising equipment. He would go in great lengths on using his strength to help his fellow smurfs in trouble, and often pursues Smurfette hoping to win her love.

So far Hefty hadn't had much luck killing time in the Smurf Village. So when things got boring, he goes out of the Smurf Village to go pick smurfberries. The best tasting smurfberry bushes happened to be next to Gargamel's hovel, a wizard who hates the smurfs.

Gargamel is the smurfs' antagonist for decades, the rivalry has been going on since Gargamel was in his adolescent years. He either want to eat the smurfs, turn them into gold, or to destroy them. The wizard hadn't accomplish this yet, but he has an animal companion that can help him... more on that companion later.

In an effort to catch and kill smurfs, Gargamel managed to grab a hold of some smurfberry seeds. He cultivated the plant in the nearby woods in a natural pattern in order to attract some smurfs, surprisingly the plan has been working as Hefty often goes to that smurfberry patch.

"Gargamel is not in sight," said Hefty to himself, "This makes things smurfier for me."

Luckily for Hefty, Gargamel was taking a nap. He occasionally dreams on capturing the smurfs, which keeps him motivated on his goal. Though his animal companion doesn't take naps, and he has caught a whiff of Hefty's scent.

As Hefty picks smurfberries, he was unaware of the impending danger. The animal stealthily approached Hefty by the rear, the smurf heard a twig snapped and the animal stops walking. The smurf turned around and see's nothing, unaware that the animal was hiding in the bushes about a meter away.

"Hello?" asked Hefty, "Who's there?"

There was no response, the animal crouches down to prepare to pounce. "Jokey?" asked Hefty, "If that's you, quit trying to scare me."

Being fearless, Hefty drops his smurfberry basket and angrily walks towards the bushes. When he's 30 centimeters away from the animal, the animal jumps out of the bushes. Revealing himself to be a cat with red fur and a white belly, known by one name: Azrael.

Of course, Hefty and Azrael had crossed paths in the past, often Azrael getting the upper hand over Hefty. Usually a fellow smurf helps Hefty out, but there's no one to help him this time. Azrael has been waiting years for this moment, and he's not letting Hefty uninjured this time. As the cat pounced on top of Hefty, the smurf tries to jump out of the way. Azrael is faster and wipes Hefty with his paw, his claws dig into Hefty's torso almost like a hot knife through butter.

Hefty yelped as he was thrown backwards, slamming his back against a tree. Blood ooze from his wounds as Azrael makes the smurf's demise quick, the cat pins Hefty down and sank his teeth into the smurf's gut. Hefty screamed as Azrael disemboweled him with his mouth, ripping out his intestines like spaghetti. The smurf stopped screaming as Azrael chomps down on his rip cage, and crushed it with his jaw.

When Azrael bit down on his rib cage, he restricted Hefty's breathing. Not only that, the cat also punctured his heart with it's teeth. This disrupted his heart's rhythmic pattern and it halts it's beating, Hefty was soon dead within seconds.

Azrael proceeds in eating the smurf as Gargamel came out running from his hovel, thinking that someone needs help. "Azrael!" he screamed, "Where are you? Where..."

He stopped as he saw Azrael with a mutilated Hefty in his mouth, the smurf's organ were laying at the cat's feet and his blood was splattered everywhere. Gargamel said nothing as he stepped away, and Azrael finished his "meal" in peace.

Hefty should have known his own limits, and now he's dead. What's a matter Hefty? Azrael got your tongue?

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	10. Ch 10: The Great Smurf Reaction

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

A smurf village is not complete without a village leader. The official name is the Great Smurf, but he's often simply called Papa Smurf.

This smurf is easily identified by the red hat and pants, including the white hair and beard. Unlike other smurf who are young adults, Papa Smurf is middle age. He uses his knowledge and wisdom to assist and protect his "little smurfs", and is often successful. These days he goes around the village, watching over the smurfs as they perform their job – and his best to keep the smurf's unity together.

Papa Smurf usually spends his time practicing magic and wizardry, and also attempts to create new spells. Sometimes these potential spells blew up in his face; and due to Papa Smurf's age, he has difficulty learning from this.

"Oh why doesn't it smurf?" he asked himself as he brushed the dust off of himself from another failed experiment. "I'm getting too old for this."

Right now he's trying to create a spell that could change the color of his own hair, in an effort to make him look more younger. So far, he has been using various material that has a certain color.

First he tried using the color yellow, which me managed to get with a bit of sand from the nearby body of water. When he added it to his mixing pot that was already filled with various chemicals, nothing happened.

"Hrm," thought Papa Smurf as he scratched his beard, "Maybe I should add dirt, see if that would do anything."

As Papa Smurf left the mushroom house, a small chunk of the ceiling breaks off and falls into the pot and caused it to heat up. By the time it reaches 102 degrees Celsius, Papa Smurf comes back with a sack full of fresh dirt from Farmer's smurfs farm. "Odd," said Papa Smurf to himself as he see's the boiling pot of chemicals, "Looks like I created a chemical reaction."

Weeks ago, Handy managed to repair Papa Smurf's house after another experiment had failed. The smurf plastered the ceiling with a tan colored homemade plaster. Unknown to the smurf, the plaster contained thermite – a chemical that if burned can reach temperatures as hot as 2204 degrees celsius. Handy did not know about thermite's flammable properties at the time, and unwittingly added the thermite into the plaster mixture to give the plaster it's tan color

So when the plaster mixed with the stew of chemicals, it began to heat up the chemicals and cause them to boil. It began to give off fumes that Papa Smurf cannot detect with his senses, and he ends up breathing them in.

Knowing this pot is a health hazard, Papa Smurf drop the sack of dirt and went to the icebox. He grabbed a cup full of ice and pours it into the stew of chemicals, big mistake. The thermite reacted violently with the chemicals and began to give off more noxious fumes, which Papa Smurf can detect this time.

The village leader began to cough profusely and coughed out blood. Just as he rushed out the door, the pot of chemicals explode and his entire home was engulfed in flames. When fellow smurfs rushed to Papa Smurf's aid, they found him lying on the ground just a meter from his house with blood pouring out of his mouth – dead.

The chemicals Papa Smurf inhaled had eaten away at his lungs, preventing them from taking in oxygen. On top of that, the chemicals bond to his red blood cells, preventing them from taking in oxygen. So Papa Smurf sophisticated to death, and it wasn't pleasant.

A lesion for chemist out there. When dealing with hazard chemicals, always make sure you do it in a controlled environment. Papa Smurf however, failed to accomplish that feat. This is what you get, for seeing red, old timer.

**TO BE CONTINUED...  
**


	11. Ch 11: Intellideath

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

If you see a smurf with his hat trying to eat his eyes, that would be Clumsy Smurf. Clumsy, as he was named, had trouble staying on his feet. His sense of direction was horrible, his intellect just as bad, and when he is not busy face-planting himself into random objects or other smurfs, listens to Brainy yap his mouth off.

Normally the smurfs would ignore Brainy, and even kick him out of the village just to get him to shut up. Clumsy however was not the brightest of all smurfs, and so was taken under Brainy's wing. If you think about it, Clumsy could be Brainy's sidekick.

One afternoon, Clumsy was busy helping Brainy with a potion he's making. Its a potion that would help make the user more smarter, and wiser. Brainy commandeered a spellbook from Papa Smurf's lab and had gotten a hold of the spell, with the potion he could be smarter than all the smurfs intelligence combined, even Papa Smurf and Grandpa Smurf.

All Brainy needs to do was to gather the ingredients and make the potion in his crude novice caldron, which was easier said than done. "You smurfed the fertilizer from Farmer Smurf?" asked Brainy.

"Yes Brainy." said Clumsy as he held up a bag of fertilizer, made by the hands of Farmer Smurf.

"Does it contain Nitrogen and Phosphorous?" asked Brainy.

"That's what Farmer Smurf uses for his garden," said Clumsy, "I suppose it does."

"Good Clumsy," said Brainy, "Soon, all the smurfs would worship and respect me."

"I can see it now." said Clumsy.

Clusmy sat the bag on the table and Brainy cut it open, he scooped out some of the fertilizer and adds it into the caldron."Okay," said Brainy, "That should do it."

Suddenly the contents in the caldron began to bubble like mad, Brainy and Clumsy stepped back and watched as the concoction becomes horribly unstable. "It's working!" cheered Brainy, "Its working!"

"Um Brainy," said Clumsy as he takes another look at the spellbook, "That's not suppose to happen."

A sudden burst of explosive energy came shooting out of the cauldron and blows a hole through Brainy's roof, the blast ripped out most of the support beams and caused a catastrophic failure. The roof implodes, burying the two smurfs alive in the mess. When the dust cleared, Brainy and Clumsy lay dead underneath the rubble. The irony here, the roof didn't kill them.

What Clumsy really got wasn't fertilizer containing Nitrogen and Phosphorous, the fertilizer contained Sulfur, a lemon yellow non-metal used "in explosives." What Brainy ended up making was an explosive, and so it went off. When the caldron spilled over due to the collapse of the roof, it spilled Sulfuric Acid all over the floor and bathed Brainy and Clumsy in it. Since they were knocked out by the debris, they were trapped as the Sulfuric Acid proceeds to dissolve their flesh within minutes.

Brainy, if you really want to earn respect, don't be a thorn in everysmurf's asses. Or fate, will bite yours. For Clumsy, you should have wised up, so your world won't come crashing down. At least you two did something smart, by dying.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	12. Ch 12: TIMBER

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Its one of those days where all the smurfs get together to build, and now one of those days had arrived. Around the ass crack of dawn, Papa Smurf leads the smurfs over to the forest to go logging. Their bridge leading to their foraging grounds had been damaged, and so it was in badly need of repair. Papa Smurf found a patch of good oak trees to use, so he sent the smurfs out to mine them.

It started off great, Lazy Smurf wasn't sleeping on the job and Brainy was keeping quiet today. If this keeps up, there should be no problems today. Papa Smurf seemed satisfied with the smurfs' ability to do work, but got a scare when he heard the ripping sound of a saw. It was Handy Smurf, and he had just invented, dada tada, a chainsaw.

The chainsaw was huge, and Handy sure had the muscle to wield it. The noise was so loud that its roar was heard throughout the forest, even giving Scaredy a run for his life. Papa Smurf didn't mind the noise, since Handy was chopping down trees within seconds that would normally take minutes with an ax. The village leader let this slide, he should have had second thoughts from making that decision.

Nearby, Gargamel was on the prowl and happened to have heard the roar of the chainsaw. "What is that dreaded sound?" he asked his cat Azrael.

The cat just looked at him and meowed, sounding like he had no idea as well.

Gargamel traces the constant sound as Azrael follows behind, just as Handy finished sawing down a tree. "TIMBER!" he yelled out.

But it was too late, as Gargamel looked up and saw a tree leaning over him. He only had enough time to scream, just as the tree hammers him into the earth like a nail. Gargamel's scream went unheard due to the roaring of the chainsaw, and so went unnoticed for 30 minutes. Just as Handy was slicing the fallen tree into malleable sections, he got sight of a pool of blood underneath the tree.

"Oh smurf!" he cried, "I killed an animal!"

Handy deactivates his chainsaw and ran off to alert the other smurfs, after getting several smurfs over to the scene Papa Smurf had all the smurfs use their combine strength and wooden planks for leverage to move the fallen tree. "Are you ready?" asked Papa Smurf.

"Yes!" announced the smurfs.

"Okay, 3, 2, 1, push!"

The smurfs pushed as hard as they can, and Hefty gave the final nudge to move the log over. What they found underneath was a squashed Gargamel, with his organs scattered all over underneath the tree. The sight was so horrifying that not even Papa Smurf could stand to look, that's when Azrael came by and began to lick Gargamel's blood off the ground.

Was it clear on how Gargamel died? When the tree landed on him, it broke almost every bone in his body and squashed his head like a watermelon. His organs spewed out of his torso like a ketchup bottle, and were cleverly scattered underneath the tree. Making it the perfect surprise for the smurfs to find.

Gargamel learned a hard lesson. If you mess with Mother Nature, she'll pound some sense into you. And just when somebody yells TIMBER! You're dead.

**THE END!**


End file.
